Don’t panic! I’m no drop-out. The last day of the semester, however, is worth celebrating.
Today our psychometrics class featured many group presentations, including mine. One of the girls in my group wrote in the group chat that she was sorry for stuttering a bit. Everyone promptly added that they, too, were sorry for being nervous, which was when we realized that we didn’t even notice each other’s tiny mistakes.
During that class, I got to finish 2 Autism reports for work and submit paperwork. Hey, a 3 hour class is bound to lag sometimes, even if it’s a really good one. After that, I fit in a quick workout, and then I had my second class. A guest speaker arrived, and our job was to do an intake report on her. I usually practice a lot for class, but because this was ungraded, it caught me off guard.
I felt nervous, so I figured I’d jump in when we were doing the risk assessment. I volunteer as a crisis counselor, so a risk assessment is second nature. Right? Well. Somehow, I asked if she had the means to commit suicide before she even told me what her plan was. “Everyone has means,” she said, confused. Realizing my blunder, I asked what her plan was. But because I was already thrown off, the short risk assessment that I did felt awkward. To make matters worse, the guy who went after me was basically born a therapist.
He makes me want to go to therapy just so he could be my counselor (not in a creepy way, just in the way that one future professional admires the technique of another). I direct-messaged him to ask about his advice, and he said that it was a combination of experience and the people skills built by 30 years of real estate work. That was when I looked around my Zoom classroom and felt woefully inadequate. For starters, half of them already have master’s degrees, and the other half have many years of work experience.
I pointed this out to a friend. “So, it sounds like you’re upset because they have… More years? As in, they were alive longer than you, so they did more?” my friend answered.
Maybe it is a valid point. I just turned 20, and I’m trying to get my doctorate. But it’s hard because I want to be the best psychologist possible. What I need to understand is that how good of a psychologist I am has nothing to do with how good they are. We can each be equally good. And I am lucky to have such talented classmates.
Later tonight, I went out to Griffith Park for the incredible lookout. I thought a lot about imposter syndrome and how lucky I feel to be where I am in life, surrounded by people I love. Oh, and I saw deer in the field!