It all started with my morning oatmeal. Armed with a bowl of oatmeal in one hand and my laptop in the other, I asked my sister to bring some frozen berries. “That way, I can keep my camera on,” I explained. She pulled out a bag from the freezer that we can refer to as The Grossest Berries to Grace the Planet. I don’t know whose idea it was to create mini ‘smoothie bags’, but this bag consisted of raspberries, kale, blueberries, and zucchini (???) to create a nauseating quartet. Mistake #1: I decided to pick out the kale and use the rest.
Today, my professor invited a creator of the Woodcock Johnson assessment as a guest speaker. So, picture this: 9 students, all with cameras on, listening attentively. And all of a sudden, I taste the accursed oatmeal. Guys. Never combine kale-flavored berries with your oats. I basically gagged. On camera. In front of a well-established test creator, my professor, and all of the other graduate students. I immediately shut off my camera, rinsed my mouth, and contemplated labelling this bag with a large-and-in-charge Post-it note that says “NEVER BUY THIS AGAIN”. It gets worse, though. Picturing the post-it note on this bag somehow made me start laughing hysterically. I tried covering my mouth, biting my lip, guzzling water faster than a dehydrated camel… nothing worked. I just kept laughing and laughing, in front of this intelligent test creator, my professor, and every one of the students, who were probably wondering what to diagnose me with by now.
But it can only get better from here, right? I bit my lip, hard, which stopped the giggles. I pushed the oatmeal bowl far, far away. I also vowed to go grocery shopping and put “normal berries” on the list. Aside from the oatmeal fiasco, I had a productive morning. I finished two reports and squeezed in a 20 minute cardio workout.
Lesson learned: kale and oatmeal are very incompatible.