Let’s address the obvious: I disappeared for a few months. I’ve still been journaling, but I stepped away from this blog because I was worried that my clients would find it. Believe it or not, when I’m in the role of a therapist, I share almost nothing about myself. The other day, someone asked me if I have pets and I contemplated saying “what would it mean to you if I did have pets” rather than answering the darn question 😂. All that to say, I’m really private in real life. And this blog kind of throws a wrench in that plan.
But I’m back. I don’t know for how long. I don’t know that I’ll be spilling any sordid details, but I want to continue documenting my life in this capacity.
Let’s talk about the new year. On new year’s eve, my sister and I climbed onto the balcony, made some tea (can you tell I’m Russian?) and reflected on our accomplishments from the past year. This exercise was useful for me, because I judge myself very harshly. In fact, as I write this, I remember what felt like two unsuccessful groups that I ran on zoom this past Friday. I ruminate, replaying my words in my head, thinking of what I could have said differently. Psychology is different from a profession like computer science because in psychology, once you have a session, you can’t just hit backspace or fix a bug. Your words are out there. No deleting.
All that to say, I could really stand to think more positively. After thinking for a while between sips, I thought of the following:
1. I became a much better driver. At the beginning of the year, I hated driving because I’ve been hit by a car three times, and cars kind of terrified me. I’m happy to report that I’ve driven all over LA since then and overcome that fear.
2. I started doing individual therapy, group therapy, and intakes, none of which I’d ever practiced before.
3. I got matched at my top choice practicum site and this made me extremely happy.
4. I got a scholarship from outside my school.
5. A recruiter messaged me about my dream mid-grad school job, a psychometrician, but I turned it down because I would not be able to balance it with my other responsibilities. And I know that doesn’t feel like an accomplishment, reading it back, but knowing your limits is also a win. In the meantime, I realized that since practicum pays a stipend, which comes out to $3/hour (beware, Bill Gates, I’m coming for your tax bracket), I can consider it my third job. I did also end up branching out in my work , so I can say that I accomplished last year’s resolution.
6. I got some of my strength back once gyms reopened and started a weekly habit of cycling while still maintaining a healthy relationship with food.
There are also goals from last year that I did not accomplish. Last year, I wanted to keep my room consistently clean.
I also wanted to wake up earlier, which has not happened either. Right, so, I am about to run 4 groups and 1 individual session today, and it’s almost 9 am. I should probably get going, but before that, I wanted to tell you what my resolutions are for 2022. I want to land an assessment based practicum for next year, drive on the highway alone, and say morning prayers. I also want to keep my room clean and use my planner every day. Last, I’d like to double down on editing the book that I’ve written so I can someday publish it. Oh, and I want to make more plans with my friends. Here is a vision board I drew for the new year:
Here’s hoping I keep my resolutions, and here’s to an amazing 2022!