Today I woke up at 6 am. I pre-picked my outfit last night. Intentionally.
I braided my hair overnight so that there would be less to tame in the morning, intentionally. I left the house at 7 am. Although our practicum starts at 10 am, I agreed to meet with a girl very early to practice the WAIS assessment. I arrived, and there was no sign of her. Nonplussed, I lugged the WAIS briefcase to the office and started practicing aloud. I gave myself wrong answers, to practice the reverse rule. I was the assessor and the patient. The WAIS assessment isn’t that bad, really, I said to myself at around 9 am. Too bad there was no sign of this girl.
By 9:30, I had done a mental status exam on a patient and learned how to transfer audio recordings to a file on the computer. By 9:45, I had finished the supplemental scales. By 9:50, the girl arrived. I did my best to hide my grouchiness, but I am no actor. “I thought we would get together to practice at 8?” I said, doing my best to sound nonchalant. She did apologize eventually and asked to practice together tomorrow.
However, I decided that I am not going to be waking up at 6 am again. I have a finite amount of time on this earth and I would like to spend that time well rested. The girl probably just forgot. I am now sitting excitedly in an office. I am going to do my first ever WAIS on a real patient.
Update: I did it! My first ever WAIS on a real patient!! My practice paid off. I did well. She was only able to stay for two hours at a time, so I made another appointment with her for a few days later, where we would continue the testing. I realized that really, I didn’t have much to stress about. Testing wasn’t as hard as it seemed.
To other people, doing an assessment is not that big of a deal, but to me, this feels huge. My dream is to be a vendor for a company that specializes in autism testing, as well as to have a private practice. Both of these involve the use of the WAIS, a lot. So I am doing things that directly apply to my future.
The day went by really quickly. The last thing I did was watch a bariatric evaluation. I came home and made a sandwich. I tried to go to a cycling class, I really did, but I came to the gym and there was not one parking spot. By the time I finally parked, it was already too late to go. Note to self: avoid the gym on Monday afternoons. So then I returned, sans workout, to my room.
My boyfriend called when I went up to my room. We’ve been talking on the phone a lot lately and face timing as well. It makes this quasi long distance thing feel less long distance. Even though I’m in a happy relationship and I feel confident in that, my anxiety likes to intrude.
What if, it says, you get cheated on? You’d never know, he’s an hour and a half away, who would tell on him?
He would not, I respond back, because we are happy and I trust him.
What if, the anxiety tries again, you grow apart?
I’ve been in one relationship my whole life and it’s hard to know what will happen. But it feels like this is my person. Two years is a long time to know and love someone, so even if you are geographically separate, you have to go with your gut. And my gut says: can’t you find something more legitimate to worry about?